Singing Over The Bones

Assignment #3 Singing Over The Bones

We have been taught to “Buck up, little Camper”. For many of us, crying is a sign of weakness and we can’t let others see us cry. Besides, what good would it do? So, we hold back the pain. We hold back the anger. We hold back the loss. We hold back our emotions.

Now is the time to feel. I want you to reach into your bone container and close your eyes. Feel the “bones”. Ask the Universe for help in choosing the bone that is right for you to sing over today. Grab your rock and look at it.

You now hold in your hand a piece of you. Look at the word that is painted on its surface. Feel the hardness of the stone in your hand. Feel the smoothness. Feel the cold. It is as cold as the feelings you have held in all these years.

If you have a drum, now is the time to get it. What ever you have that you can use to help you sing over the bones, gather around you. If you don’t have a drum, use a pot and a wooden spoon. Whatever you have handy will work.

Now, look again at the word. Today is the day you grieve over the loss of this piece of you. Today is the day you will “sing” a song of loss. Today is the day you will sing over the bone as you breathe life back into it. Today is the day you bring it back to you, embrace it and make it part of who you are.

You may want to place the piece into another container where you will display the bone prominently. This container should be something special that you have created just for this moment for it will hold all those missing parts of you that you are gathering together as you journey to find your true self. It is a place of honor. It is a place of love. It is a place of joy. It is a place where all those pieces will come together to become part of you again. And when you have gathered all the bones and sung over them, you will be well on your way to wholeness.

Today I have chosen SELF ESTEEM. This missing part has plagued me all my life. I realize that no one can make me feel what I don’t want to feel. However, as a child, I had no power. I had no support system that held me up. I had no knowledge about how not to be wounded. I was programed to be damaged. I could not see anything but the pain and suffering in front of me. It was all I knew and I did not know how to do anything different. From my child eyes I just knew that there must be a good reason that my parents couldn’t love me. It was my fault. I wasn’t worth loving. After all, what parent didn’t love their child?

I often felt like an outsider. I often felt that I was all alone. Like Ms Estes wrote in her book, I was a “misplaced zygote”. I had somehow been dropped into the wrong family. I often felt that there was something wrong with me. Why didn’t they love me? Because I learned to look at things through child eyes, my emotional growth stopped at a very young age. Despite arriving at adulthood, I still felt damaged. I packed this around with me most of my life.

Today, I rail against anything that triggers these feelings of inadequacies. At 60, I still suffer from Low Self-Esteem on occasion. However, I have learned that despite it, I can learn to embrace that part of me that is good and kind and so needing of acceptance.

After many years of therapy and self help books and workshops, I learned to embrace the child within. I have learned to love that part of me that saw things only from a child’s point of view. As an adult, I can stop myself when I fall into the old habit of low self esteem. I can stop and change my self-talk to a positive from a negative.

As an adult I discovered the answer to my burning question: What is wrong with me? I discovered that it wasn’t really me. I was a “have to” baby. I was unwanted. I came along and forced two parents who did not want to be parents–who were unprepared to be parents, into something that they handled the only way they knew how. I became the reason for all their problems. I became the focus of all their disappointments, their failures, their marriage problems. I was born into a situation where I had no hope of becoming anything else but what I became. I was unloved. I was not crazy. I was unwanted. All those feelings I felt were correct. They were right on. I just didn’t know it at the time.

So, today I sing over my bone. I embrace it, feel it, and then place it in its special place where it can remain–a part of me forever more.
I have to love myself. I have to parent myself, because my own parents were unable to do that for me. It wasn’t my fault. I am not responsible for my parent’s shortcomings. I was just unlucky in the choices I had for parents. I can’t change that, but I can change how I view it.

So, I will sing and drum over this bone until there is no more grief. I will celebrate it and celebrate its return to me.

Let me know how each of you collects your bones…and how this process helps you. Take as much time as you need on each step. This is your journey. It is your choice.



~ by womenstudycenter on January 9, 2009.

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