Leaping the Rift – A Journey of Healing and Hope

•October 28, 2008 • 2 Comments

The Women’s Study Center is a place of healing and empowerment.  The purpose of The Women’s Study Center is to provide support, counsel, and the education needed for women to be able to heal from their physical, spiritual, and mental wounds.  By learning to take care of themselves in this holistic way, they can be empowered.  This will allow them to move forward with dignity and confidence towards a bright future.

“Women In Motion” is a workshop program I created to help women find their true self.

Your first Assignment: Breathe! Breathe deeply and often. We tend to be shallow breathers–as if we must apologize for our very existence.  So Breathe! Breathe as if your life depends on it–because it does.


Isn’t life interesting?

•April 28, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I just read the notice that Nate is now following my blog.  Looks like he’s another world traveler.  I’m glad to have you aboard, Nate.  I bet my readers don’t know that I am a big footer and did a lot of field work when my husband was alive.  We were the original Sasquatch Watch.  Now I just have a website called: http://www.sasquatchwatch.info.  I haven’t updated it since he passed away, unfortunately, because he was the geek who did all the computer work. He was a software design engineer.  When he passed away he had failed to leave me all the passwords etc., which has prevented me from getting into the administration part of the site.  I have spent these past couple of years dealing with his death and all that surrounds it.  Now,  I am ready to get moving again and I plan on getting someone to take care of that for me so I can update and make changes.  It won’t be until I get moved into my new home in June, but it is certainly on my list of to-dos once that is accomplished.

As for travel myself…I’ve been to the Oregon Caves with Dr. Matthew Johnson who had a sighting and was instrumental in starting the Southern Oregon Bigfoot Society out of Grants Pass.  I visited an eastern Oklahoma Indian Reservation where a sighting took place, I’ve been to Missouri to investigate a sighting, and invented the term, “Roadside Research” when my husband became too old to go traipsing through the woods.

“Roadside Research” consists of planning  trips around earlier sighting areas and following the information from the old reports.  It gave us an opportunity to see where the incidents happened, in areas that were readily accessible for us less mobile travelers, as well as allowed us to discover things that were missing from the report either by the choice of the reporter, or by being overlooked.   It gave us a chance to do a little investigating during the day and talk to all kinds of interesting people in the local areas we found ourselves in.  Since my husband did contract work, we have spent six months in Corning, New York,  A year in Sumter, South Carolina, Michigan, Las Vegas, (our home away from home), Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Idaho, Utah, Oregon,  New Mexico, Kentucky, Well, let’s just say we’ve been all over.  It’s like staying at a haunted hotel for ghost hunters.  When we were going to have to be somewhere on a contract, we looked up the reports from that area and made plans to hunt Squatches on the weekends and after work.  The Corning area of New York was a great place to Squatch!

That’s why I’m glad to see people who travel following my blog.  It’s nice to share my travels with others, though it’s not quite what you would call a “normal” vacation experience.

I just bought a house and will be moving in about the middle of June.  After my husband died I had the opportunity to buy a very inexpensive mobile home in a retirement community in Florida and jumped at the chance.  I affectionately call it my Sardine Can.  I managed to get three chairs in my living room….wow!  I could now have guests! LOL!  Well, I tried to make it home by getting involved in the home owners association.  I dislike them…so I thought if I got active in it, I could make sure it was what I wanted it to be.  Actually, I became president.  I don’t go half way.  I’ve done it for a year and I have handed the reigns over to the VP and am grateful I am moving out into a home on a piece of dirt I will actually own.  This renting a lot sucks.  So many restrictions and no room to do anything.

There is nothing like finding out what you don’t like!  Mobile Home Parks!!!!!!!

Why?  Because I am not ready to sit in my rocker and let life drift by.  And, I am tired of all the negative, grumpy people who are never happy with anything.  No matter what you do it is not good enough.  All the residents here seem to do is complain and gossip and be miserable.  It is certainly not me.  New Years Eve I hired a 60’s rock band and we rocked the place.  It was “leave your walkers at the door”.  I saw people moving that hadn’t moved in years.  Of course, New Years day was very quiet.  People couldn’t get out of bed, but that night was so much fun!

After a year of coaxing and bribing and dragging people to live their life, I just ran out of steam.  I am looking forward to finishing my novels, working on my multi-medium art projects, and learning to grow and cook with herbs.  I am close to the St. Johns River and several walking trails.  I plan on seeing it all.  I’m out in the country where It is quiet and peaceful.  There are a few people around me, but most seem to keep to themselves.

Oh, and I am a second level Reiki practitioner and want to work with abused and neglected horses.  I also do people.  I can do remote healing or hands energy work.  I am looking forward to a more spiritual life.  So, here is to a year filled with discovery and wonder as I experience what there is in life for me.  After all, it’s about the journey, not the destination.

Let me know what you do for fun!









Thank you

•March 10, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Thank you for following my posts.  I love your photos.


Spiritual melt down

•March 10, 2014 • Leave a Comment

This week has been quite the journey.  I have had a spiritual melt down leading to discoveries.  I finally figured out what has held me back all these years.  Fear and Shame.  Wow!  I finally understand why I have never felt like I fit.  I’ve waited for people to figure out that I am a fake. You know, the fake it till you make it group?  I have never felt like I belonged or fit in, or was worthy enough.  All this stems from childhood abuse that has colored every thought and choice I have made throughout my life and taken my joy and built walls to keep out everyone.

Again, I was watching Oprah’s Super soul Sunday and Brene Brown the featured guest.  She wrote “Daring Greatly”  That was what the discussion was on.  Again I have had an “ah ha” moment.  First, let me share my gratitude.  As Brene shared, you can’t have joy without gratitude.   And all of it is a choice…it means daily, hourly, monthly practice.  So, I am grateful for being led to create this Blog.  At first it was just something to do. Back then I did not know it would be crucial to my own healing.

I am an avid talker.  I have always said that there are no pregnant pauses when I am around.  I didn’t know how true that really is until now.  I am also a published author.  so words come naturally to me.  I didn’t realize that I use words to build walls to keep from having to risk judgement and pain.  If I just talk enough, not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise, I can protect myself from not being good enough.  Don’t give ’em an opportunity to find fault or criticize, or cause me any uncomfortable moments. Just keep talking.

This blog affords me a way to have to read the comments of others, but from a safe place.  However, it also provides a way for me to be vulnerable.  According to Brene, vulnerability is the key to everything…especially intimacy.  And that is what I’ve been lacking in my life because of the walls.    I have kept everyone at arms length.  It’s safer that way because I have felt that once they really get to know me, they will be disappointed and abandon me.  That has been my actual experience.  I did not know that I was creating that self fulfilling prophecy by building the walls. Of course when they would walk away I would say, “see, I was right.  I am not good enough”. I’d lay the bricks a little higher.

I put myself out on the line here, risking rejection.  I show up here.  I put myself in the arena and share my most inner feelings.   However, I am not alone.  For I realize that there are at least several people who have had similar experiences, feelings of not being good enough, or paralyzing fear that has stopped them from doing what they have always wanted to do.  In that I am never alone.

And as far as God is concerned, her couldn’t possibly care about me.   I wouldn’t let him.  I rejected every time he reached out to me with signs or got me where I needed to be, or made sure I had a roof over my head and opportunities laid in my path.  I didn’t accept that it was because he loved me, because I was unlovable.    I couldn’t accept it because I knew that it was not true.

Well, He finally kicked me square in the butt and triggered a spiritual melt down.  I’m sure he gets exasperated with me and gives me that swift kick to get my attention.  He did that this week.  My first inclination was to just give up and give in and pack up and move back to live with my daughter, not a good idea at all.  Don’t get me wrong…I love her but I shouldn’t be living with her.  And, I quickly got the idea that while she would allow it and tolerate me there, it wouldn’t be her first choice either.  Now, that hurt.  I felt like a failure.

I felt like I was stuck and had no place to go and no one cared.  Yes, I took it personally.  Once again I had been rejected and I was not loveable.  Not even to my own daughter.  So, I fell into a deep depression  filled with anxiety and fear and worry.  I wallowed for a few days and then I watched the Oprah show.  There was the answer.  There was what I had needed all these years.  And there was my salvation.  I had been living with shame and fear….oh yes…lots of fear.  There was a moment several years ago when I told myself I would never again let fear stop me from doing what I wanted to do.

Easier said than done.  I had no coping skills.  I didn’t know how not to be afraid.  It was programed into my DNA.  So, it was easy to fall back into the old patterns.  Einstein once said that insanity was doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.  (I am paraphrasing).  Well, I have been insane and I didn’t know how to even begin to change it.  I felt that having to pay someone to listen to me was for losers.  I even thought how lame I was that I had no one in my life who was willing to listen.  I had to fork out money to pay someone to do it.  I felt shame and fear.

Well, therapy is good for everyone every once in a while.  It is not for losers.  It doesn’t make me lame.  It simply means that I need a bit of help to figure things out…someone who is not close to the situation and who doesn’t have emotional baggage connected to it.  Someone who can see through the emotions.  Someone who doesn’t have to take any risks in the situation and can render unbiased help.

When I heard that Brene Brown had needed therapy for a year and a half after writing her book, I kind of laughed.  She was the person writing the book but didn’t actually live the life she was telling everyone else to live.  What was interesting was that she recognized and was smart enough to put the book aside for that time and got herself into therapy until she was convinced that she could finally walk the talk.  Smart woman.  That let me know that we are all walking wounded.  That we are all in the same boat.  We are all damaged in some way or another and that we need to deal with first ourselves with compassion and kindness and then practice and teach what we have learned.

I am so glad you are all taking this journey with me and if I can help one person with their own healing I will have been a success.  Thank you so much for listening to me.  I will let you know how my journey is going, knowing that I am not alone along the path.


White Light

•March 9, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I am a Reiki practitioner.  What is Reiki?  It is energy healing.  Not just any energy, but the healing energy of God channeled through the practitioner to the client.  Now, some call him a Higher Power.  Some use the term, “the Universe”.  Some think in terms of a feminine diety.  While others are less specific.  All in all, it is of light and goodness.

As for me, I use the term God, Heavenly Father, and sometimes Higher Power, when I am working with those who are not familiar with these other terms.  No matter what you call it, the energy and healing come from the same source of goodness and light.  It is not mystical.  It is not magic.  It is only a healing energy that does its work because I call on all things of goodness and light only.

Today I was watching Oprah’s Soul Sunday series.  A surgeon was speaking on his near death experience and shared his encounter with a bright white light brighter than many suns.  I realized that I too had experienced this same event, but in a different context.  Finally, I realized that what I had encountered was God’s light.  Let me explain.  At my very first Reiki atunement there was another who was being atuned along with me.  After the ceremonial atunement was completed we were urged to practice our new gift on each other.  As I lay on the table while the other student began to perform Reiki on me a bright light filled the space in front of me.  What was strange, was my eyes were closed.

Yet, this light, so bright that it burned, enveloped me completely.  I tried to sqirm deeper into the padding of the table, trying to get away from the light.  Of course, because I was laying on a table, there was no where to go.  It was painful.  It was not pleasant, yet, it was exciting.  Suddenly it disappeared and I was able to allow the student to continue without hesitation.  I relaxed and allowed him to do his thing.  He had no idea that I was experiencing this light.  It was something just for me.

Later, I asked my Master what it was that I had experienced.  She looked at me in this strange manner and told me that it was God’s energy that had washed over me.  A very unusual thing.  At the time I did not quite understand it.  Being new, I had no idea what to expect and it wasn’t until my second atunement that I was actually beginning to understand that I had experienced a rare and treasured moment that not everyone experiences.

Let me fast forward to the present.  I had been asked to participate in a energy healing demonstration that was part of a gala that local healers hold twice each year.  Up to that point I was still a bit unaware of my own ability to actually perform Reiki.  You see, with other gifts, you know you have it or not.  With Reiki, at least, it is a gradual energy growth as you become more familiar with yourself and how the energy works through the practisioner.  As the practitioner becomes more atuned to the energy they work with, the energy strengthen and the practitioner’s ability to intuitively know what is going on increases.

At some levels the practitioner is so atuned they can actually perform psychic work, but I think that takes years of practice and becoming a Master themselves before their skills are honed to that sharpness.  I, for one, wasn’t sure of what I was exactly doing and was taking a leap of faith that I was making a difference.  That is when I had an experience that changed all that.  At the Gala, I was lucky enough to have a young teenage girl ask me for a healing.  Her whole family was there getting healings from several other practitioners of other modalities as well as my Reiki partner, who happened to be a Master.  As I was working on her something seemed to change in me.  It was like a switch was flipped.  I seemed to have reached a zone where I was fully aware of the energy, not as to what was happening to the girl but in myself.  It was a very spiritual experience for me.  We get as much healing from working on clients as they do from us.

When the girl tried to get up from the chair we were using, instead of the normal table, (for lack of space in the venue we were working in), she was light headed and weak.  she had trouble walking over to the bench where other family members sat.  Suddenly she burst into tears and sobbed.  For a moment I stood there, not quite knowing what to do.  Then, I grabbed a few tissues and handed them to her and sat down next to her rubbing her back.  She sobbed for a good ten minutes while her mother explained to me their circumstances and that she never shows emotions.  She holds things all in and that this was the first time she had let them out.  As the girl’s sobs subsided I could tell she was embarrased by her emotonal outburst.

I explained that this was normal. That there was not just a physical healing going on, but an emotional one.  That she had been given a gift from God and that he was present in her life and had helped her to break through the wall that she had built around her feelings.  She eventually stopped crying and moved away to another part of the building.  It was a deeply emotional experience not just for her, but her family and myself as well.  That is the moment that I had a personal confirmation that what I was doing was actually real.  For the first time, I knew that what I was doing was all very real.  I was blessed to have had that experience, for it changed my life.

I have no doubts now about my own abilities for I am but an instrument of God and it is not me that does the healing, but him.  I don’t have to worry about what I am doing beccause it works no matter what, beccause I am not in control.  It works despite me.  I have met a fork in the road and have left that old me behind.  Now, I’m not perfect but what I have discovered is I don’t have to be totally healed in order to help others.  I also realize that I was fortunate that I did not have to life through a near death experience to encounter God.  I had that privelage through another means.  And I can only wonder at the surgeons efforts to figure out what had just happend.  I don’t think it would be easy to accept this even through a near death experince and I’m sure he struggled with what he had just invisioned before returning to this earth.

What excites me is that I can do remote healings.  I have done this for someone 3,000 miles away on an opposite coast, and they have related their experience to me first hand.  Regardless of where I am, I can help people regardless of where they are.  There are times when I still take it for granted, but I have only to read this blog to remind myself of the glory and joy that a gift from God has given me and to others through me.  May I never get so comfortable with this gift that I forget the journey that has brought me here.



Water – A place of Empowerment

•March 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I know this is going to sound funny but my tub is my place of empowerment.  I have always been drawn to water. There is something about water that just calls to me.  Growing up my father was a fisherman in Utah as well as a butcher.  Our favorite place was at Strawberry Reservoir in Utah.  At Niagara Falls I have never felt such power.  It was almost overwhelming.  The oceans…each one has its own unique energy.  I prefer the West  Coast near Coos Bay…particularly Sunset Beach and the surrounding areas.  It is as rugged and powerful as the jagged rocks that rise from the ocean floor.  This energy is somewhat violent despite its beauty, while the white sands beaches of Florida and South Carolina are more calm and peaceful.

As soon as I turn out the lights– slip into the hot water and place my head on a soft bath pillow, I can feel the peace come over me.  Soon, my mind is a whirl of ideas and thoughts.  I get my best creative inspirations in that environment.  It relaxes my mind as well as my body and the ideas just flow.  It can be a very spiritual place, time for just me and the universe.  It is a place of contradiction though.  You would think that I could relax enough to rest, fall asleep, renew…but it is like flipping a light switch on in my mind.

I always keep a pencil and paper beside the tub.  invariably a wonderful idea will pop into my mind and if I don’t write it down, I eventually lose it in the day-to-day activities.  I also keep one beside my bed as I struggle falling to sleep and sometimes the creative inspiration keeps flowing long after I have donned my PJ’s and snuggled down under the covers of my bed.

It is important to find your power place.  We need to nurture that creative spark that is just waiting to be fanned into a burning fire.  Whether it is sitting on the edge of a lake, under a tree in the middle of a tall pine forest, wandering through a beautiful garden, or sitting on a beach, we all have a place where we feel whole.  Some of us fly with the birds on high and will be best suited to sitting on a mountain peak.  Some of us are ocean dwellers.  Some of us are adventurers and flourish in the lakes, rivers, and forests of the world.  Some of us  enjoy places of beauty and color where gardens can nurture our soul.  And some of us can simply slip into a hot bath and come alive in the simpleness of our own private spaces.  Wherever you find your power place, go there often.  Absorb the energy that flows there.  Renew your soul, your creative spirit, and be replenished.  You will find that life is so much better because of that.


Protect Yourself…

•February 25, 2014 • Leave a Comment

OK, it’s time to get serious here.  I have been preaching documenting everything you do since my kids were old enough to get their first job.  Unfortunately, it has fallen on deaf ears.  So, if you work for a living, listen to these words…

There are many unscrupulous, evil, tyrants out there in the workforce and there just might come a day when you will have one as your boss.  There’s always one.  The first thing you need to do is purchase a bound journal, (one you can’t tear the pages out of) and each day, document what you have done during the day, what you were asked to do, any confusing orders or demands from supervisors, etc.  Use your lunch break if necessary so you don’t forget the information.  Date each entry with your signature at the end.  Don’t tear out any pages.  They must be seamless and in Chronological order in order for a judge to accept them.  Be as complete as possible.  Mention what was done to comply with requests or orders, what was the supervisors reaction as a result of your compliance, and any reprimands or complaints you encountered as to your duties and the execution there of.

You may never need to use it but if you do, you will have a seamless journal of events as they happened.  It may be necessary for you to prove your innocence or that your actions and behavior were adequate and complied with rules and procedures.  Having this might just get you that unemployment the company is threatening to deny you or save your job in a hostile envionment filled work place.

I canot emphasize enough how important this is.  You may never need to use it and can discard it later down the road if you don’t.  However, if you need it, it is the most valuable tool you will have in your arsenal.  And it doesn’t matter whether you are flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant or a social workers.  It doesn’t matter whether you are a computer expert or a ditch digger.  You never know who you are going to be working for and protecting yourself is your first priority.

And, secondly, do not create a hostile work place by playing into any workplace politics.  Keep your head down, your mouth shut,  do your job to the best of your abilities and bite your tongue until it bleeds…and have a plan B.  Start looking for a better job before you say anything to anyone if you are finding it impossible to continue working there.  Don’t give them an opportunity to fire you. Quit before it gets to that point.  Don’t confide in co-workers who might have an agenda you don’t know about.  Trust is  not a word that comes to mind in the work place.  It just isn’t.  Yes, I’m very negative about this but I haven’t lived this long without running up against a lot of experiences that have colored my perceptions.

I can’t stress documentation enough!  Document, document, document.  Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.  Then you won’t be disappointed.


It’s been a while….long while…where to begin?

•February 19, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I am finally past the death of my husband and have a lot more to share about life and such.  Death, while it is difficult is not an end, it is only the beginning.  The death of my husband was quite an adventure.  I can look back on it now and say that.  At the time, it was dire and crippling.  It’s been a long while since I posted or even felt like posting.  I can say now that I am past that point in my life and moving forward.  And thank you Don Charisma for following my blog and letting me know that someone out there reads it.  That has motivated me to continue.  It has been so long I had to get into the system and figure out my user name and passwords again.  That was an adventure in itself.  But, as you can see, I am back and will commit to sharing things with those who care to read them.

Let’s see…where do I start.  I am still dealing with probate, even after almost two years.  Mortgage companies do take their time and drag things out, hoping that you will change your mind.  Who changes their mind after two years.  Briefly, the house was not in my name and so I let it go back.  I moved from South Carolina to Florida.  It was a fluke that just happened to fall in my lap and I couldn’t pass it up.  The mortgage company is still dragging things out but I don’t care.  I’m moving forward.

I am president of the home owners association here in a small mobile home community for 55 & older.  I think that will come to an end next year.  I will have a chance to perhaps purchase a small house on a piece of land at the right price in about a year.  It is being remodeled and won’t be ready for a year.  By then I hope to have my finances where I need them and a sizable down payment.  I am finding living in a mobile home community has its negative side and I would be much happier in some place a little more isolated from my neighbors.    I’m an artist and can’t really do my art in this limited space.  With my own home I could have a work shop and do what I like.  I have found that being in the home owners assoc. is a thankless job and very stressful.  Life is too short and I am looking forward to doing my thing as soon as I get a better place with more space.

I’ve learned a lot over these past two years and I think they are important for women of all ages to know.  Fore warned is fore armed.  Even young women need to know about death and taxes…LOL!

So, I will be writing regularly, if for nothing else but to vent…and believe me, I sometimes need to vent.  Oh, and I want to share my shrinking body image and what I am doing to move that along.  It is a battle I have fought since Jr. High school and I am finally winning.

So, come along on my adventure.  There is no going back….always forward.  I’m learning to let go of yesterday and look to the future while I am living in the present.  It doesn’t hurt to have a plan….in fact, it doesn’t hurt to have plan B, or even C.  Life tends to throw curves and self reliance means Preparation.  You’ll find that I preach self reliance.  That is the word of the day.  I have included a feed back form.