Leaping the Rift – A Journey of Healing and Hope

The Women’s Study Center is a place of healing and empowerment.  The purpose of The Women’s Study Center is to provide support, counsel, and the education needed for women to be able to heal from their physical, spiritual, and mental wounds.  By learning to take care of themselves in this holistic way, they can be empowered.  This will allow them to move forward with dignity and confidence towards a bright future.

“Women In Motion” is a workshop program I created to help women find their true self.

Your first Assignment: Breathe! Breathe deeply and often. We tend to be shallow breathers–as if we must apologize for our very existence.  So Breathe! Breathe as if your life depends on it–because it does.

You’ve Come a Long Way Baby!

You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby!

By Christy Lee

Copyright 2001-09

“I am forty-three,” I was thinking back in 1994 as I turned the cold key in the ignition. It wasn’t an earth-shattering statement, after-all. The engine had sputtered, choked, then coughed to a dead silence. I remembered the cigarette commercial that bragged, “You’ve come a long way, baby!”

I could hear the heater fan whirring inside the cracked dash as the fan motor tried in vain to blow the cold air into the car. I sat quietly for a moment, contemplating the path that had lead me to this point. I certainly didn’t feel, at that moment, like I had come such a long way.

As I turned the key again I felt the car shudder. It was the same involuntary reaction I had experienced just moments before as I had stepped out into the pre-dawn air, a moment in time that marked the first day of the rest of my life.

My eighteen-year-old son must have worried over these same decisions just months before as he was looking into the future after graduation. What did I want to be when I grew up? It is such a difficult decision. For the first time I could empathize with his struggle.

My breath hung heavily in the frigid January darkness. I ran my fingers gently over the smooth glass of the frostless windows. The car, sitting snug and protected within the aging garage, still groaned in protest as I held the ignition key in place and pumped the gas pedal. I remember worrying that the car would not start and I would miss out on something–but I didn’t know what that something was at the time. I just knew that I must get to the tech school no matter what.

I had made my decision, the only one I could make at forty-three. I was going back to school to become employable. It was a daunting task for me. I had spent most of my married life at home, raising children and taking care of a household. I was ill prepared to go out into the world alone. I was unskilled to perform more than menial tasks. I knew that I could handle the grill at a fast food restaurant or a steam press at a dry cleaning establishment, but the business world was something foreign and frightening. I had held my foot lightly on the pedal as a precaution. The engine began to voice a hesitant whine. “School waits for no woman,” I had laughed silently.

Only a few car lights dotted the roadway at this early hour. I turned onto the main road that snaked its way to the technical college. Amber lights, blinking a warning as I passed under them, seemed to fade in the odd mist that rose from the asphalt. Houses lined the streets. Here and there a warm window light seeped through the curtain of mist and darkness. Heavy dew-touched smoke clouds hovered eerily above the chimney tops, hinting at the fires that flamed cozily within the darkened homes. I resented the warmth and security that the lighted windows evoked. I didn’t feel safe or secure. I looked at my watch. It was 7:15 a.m. I laughed nervously.

It was that nervous laugh I hated so much. It was my mother’s laugh that always seemed to apologize for being alive. I hated that laugh. I had not even realized that I too used that laugh during therapy sessions. I too used it to defuse feelings of incompetence and fear of being rejected. It was there to tell everyone that what I was about to say would probably be stupid or silly and that they could not object to what I was about to share because I was stupid or silly. I hated that laugh, but it was there, just the same. After that revelation I had promised myself that I would not do that again to myself. But, programming is difficult to eliminate entirely. It was one of the many battles I have fought since that moment of awareness.

I remember thinking that in a few moments I would be putting my escape plan into action. I would walk into a classroom that would provide me with the education and training necessary to walk away from my twenty-two-year mistake.

It was sad that after twenty-two years there was nothing left of the two people who had expressed such high hopes and vibrant dreams for the future. Now, there was nothing but an empty shell of a marriage that contained two strangers who seldom talked to each other and who were on the verge of destroying the bonds they had once sworn to maintain…”until death do we part”. Isn’t the death of an emotional bond still a death?

Perhaps I had misinterpreted this particular part of my marriage vows. I had thought that it meant the physical death of my partner. However, I failed to consider the emotional death that occurs when a relationship suffers from lack of nurturing and broken trust.

The parkway twisted and turned. I could feel the steady drum of the tires as they skimmed the icy surface of the road. My fingers twitched and danced on the frozen steering wheel. I had forgotten to put a piece of cardboard in front of the radiator. Without it, the tiny heater would not be able to heat the interior of the car. It was one draw back of owning an old Chevette.

Most of my life I had been told to not want more than my station would allow. I was from a blue-collar family, destined to do no more than work for a living at some blue-collar job. My escape plan was designed to change that. I wanted more from my life. I had settled far too long and now I was not willing to be placated by the status quo. There had to be something more out there. I was driven to find out.

There were only a few cars parked at this early morning hour. I guided the “Gray Goat” as I called my 1978 Chevette, into a parking space on the south end of the lot. The car slid to a stop with a jerk as the tires hit the curb with a thud.

I remember closing my eyes, breathing deeply in the warming air as the heater fan groaned and worked to push the chilled air out through the heat ducts. The small motor churned away, a fruitless attempt on this winter morning, But I had made it, after all.

I remembered focusing on my breathing. I visualized pushing an imaginary golden cord into the earth from my first Chakra point. Meditation had gotten me through some pretty tough spots in the last year and I needed to center myself before walking into the classroom. Fear was creeping into my thoughts, threatening to create a panic attack. It would prevent me from accomplishing my escape plan. The panic attacks had kept me shackled in a loveless marriage. I would not allow them to stop me now.

I then focused only on the life-giving strength that flowed through the cord, clearing the seven Chakra points throughout my body. I pushed all the stress and fear down the chord and into the earth as I had learned from my meditation coach.

It was amazing that self-doubt had been at the route of my panic attacks, and my fears in general. As I gained emotional strength through meditation and through facing my fears head on, I found them diminishing. The isolation that had become my life only fostered more self-doubt and fears, which aggravated the panic attacks. It had become a viscous cycle.

When my ritual was complete and my breathing was calm and steady, I opened my eyes. The classroom was in the building directly to my west. Tall, silver poles, like the Pillars of Hercules, marked the entrance to the mechanical building with flags that flapped loudly and cracked in the wind. I watched, mesmerized by the twisting and gyrating as they whipped the curtain of air from their lofty perches. It had seemed at the moment that all my senses had become hyper-vigilant. Sounds seemed louder. Smells were more acrid. Tastes were more pronounced. It was amazing what the mind could do.

I walked towards the flags. “Not bad,” I had thought, “for a person who had once suffered from agoraphobia.” As I watched the steady trail of students filtering into the steel doors at the entrance to the building, I knew…”I’m not like my mother at all!”

…She would have never risked my father’s anger. She would have avoided anything that might have triggered his violence. She would not have ventured outside the walls of the illusion she had created in order to survive. She would never have risked his hurtful and humiliating insults that would drag her back into the role he had chosen for her. She would have, instead, existed in a safe fantasy world of her own making.

That had once been me. I had almost succumbed to the panic attacks that had kept me a prisoner in my own home. I had learned my lessons well–learning that life was a frightening proposition. I had been taught to fear men and to sacrifice my true self to them, accepting my lot in life with a smile and a hidden tear. It was the payment for being taken care of–for being “safe”.

I had learned to not rise above my financially imposed status–to accept without question and be grateful for what I had. After all, I was a woman, and women had to be taken care of. We were inferior to men. We were property.

And, it almost worked. I almost believed it. Luckily, there was a small voice deep inside that refused to be silenced. It had nagged me, berated me, and demanded that I listen. When I finally opened my mind and my heart to the voice I found that it was my soul crying out for freedom. That was the beginning of this miraculous journey to freedom.

I am free now. I am involved in a journey that will push me to the limits of my abilities. I will be called upon to risk, to prove myself, and to do…and I will make it! I have broken out of a self-imposed shell of fear to become the person I was destined to become. When I think of where it all started, I can honestly say, “You have come a long way, baby!”

That was 1994 and as a result of my personal journey I now can give back and share with you the things you will need to make your escape… or, if you have already escaped, I can help you learn to, not just survive, but to  thrive.  Welcome Home!!!!!!

Chris

Find the Unity in Diversity

No matter how we feel, think, or believe, there is unity in our diversity.  We just have to find that one thing that bonds us together.  Finding that one thing we all have in common is the first step to solving any problem.  No matter how far apart we are in our feelings, thinking or beliefs, finding that common ground enables us to come together and find a solution that we all can live with.  This is true in our personal lives as well as in politics.

Some years back I took classes in Family and Divorce Mediation.  I was planning on hanging out my shingle and helping people find solutions to their obstacles.  Learning and doing are not the same thing and I found it difficult to remain unbiased during the process.  My hat is off to those who can do it without having the training and skills of a lawyer.

What I learned, however, has not left me and it has served me well at times.  Mediation is not a win/lose process.  The mediator must find common ground that will enable the parties to eventually come to some agreement that they can both live with.  The mediator must take two parties who are angry, hurt, and suffering and guide them gently to a compromise.  This is not easy.

Having said this, I feel that the same process can be applied to almost any situation.  I have heard about neighbors who don’t get along.  This is so sad, since both have to live where they do and moving is sometimes not possible.   A lot of the time we are “right fighters”, as I’ve heard Dr. Phil say time and time again.  We decided that we have to be right and we will do anything to prove it.  In order to do that we have to go to any length to either prove the other person wrong or sway them around to our point of view.  Either way, the problems are bound to escalate.

Why am I bringing this up?  Every problem starts somewhere.  If we can go back to that first moment and understand the dynamics of the problem from the very first moment, we have a chance of stopping the problem before it becomes unfixable.

Both people often feel like victims.  At that point the problem solving goes out the window.  It takes two to fight.  Therefore, there are two victims and two perpetrators.  No one is at fault all the time.  Each person usually takes turns by making very bad choices which take the disagreement to a new level.

We want to feel vindicated.  We want our suffering to be acknowledged.  We want it to stop.  But what are we willing to do to be part of the solution?  If we are not part of the solution then we are part of the problem.  These misunderstandings are usually created when someone feels disrespected, snubbed,  their personal property damaged, or their privacy and autonomy in jeopardy.

So, what steps can we all take to start mending fences?  If you feel your rights have been trampled on in some way, what do you do first?

Step #1          Purchase a journal.  Start documenting those things that you find offensive.  Don’t just write down what happened, include details of how it made you feel and any expense that was incurred as a result.  Try to explain in as much detail as you can what you are objecting to.  Make it as precise as possible.  If you can’t explain it so you understand it, no one else will understand it and communication is important.   Make sure you write down dates, names, places, and everything you can think of.  Were there any witnesses?

Step #2        Sit down and go over your journal entries regularly.  Try to figure out why you are so angry.  Is it something from your past that you are reacting to in the present or is it a real problem that needs to be addressed.  Try to find the root of the problem and why you may be reacting so badly to the situation.  Sometimes it is simply that the other person is not taking responsibility for their actions or the actions of friends or family members, not to mention pets.  Knowing these things helps clarify it. But do your homework before you snap.

Step #3        If this is an ongoing situation that can’t be ignored, it is time to address your concerns to the other person.  Call and set up a time when both of you can sit down in a neutral place like a restaurant or other public place to discuss it.  It might be wise to bring along a friend and urge the other person to do the same.  Be nice about it.  Coming to the table angry will not serve your cause.

Step #4       Write down what you want to say.  Be prepared.  Ask the person to let you say what you need to say and then she can have her turn uninterrupted.  Explain that you want to find a solution to the problem that you both will be happy with.  Then be respectful when she speaks and try to understand her point of view as well.  This is the point when a solution is most likely to be found.  Make sure you look at how she sees the problem from her perspective and try to find some common ground to work from.  Allow her to be part of the solution and do not dictate the solution.  There are two sides to every story.  Ask questions about what is going on in their life as if they are your best friend.  Share with them those things that they might need to know in order to understand your situation.  Are you a day sleeper?  Have you had a recent illness?  Have you been going through some tough times and might be a little sensitive right now?  Anything that you can share could be potentially helpful.  anything they share can be something to ponder.

Step #5        Assure the other person that they have been heard and impress upon them that you will take what you have heard home and think on it.  Then, really think on it in earnest.  Find the common ground.  Try to put yourself in their place.  Offer your help in some way that may take a burden from their shoulders or offer a solution they may not have thought of. But don’t back them into a wall.  They will come out fighting and that is not what you want.

Everyone’s situation is unique.  But, there will also be commonalities that you can use as a spring board.  What ever you do, have compassion and come at the problem from the point of view that the person may not even be aware there is a problem.  It probably is not a deliberate act against you.  And, there might be a good explanation that you can understand or you might lite on a solution that you can do to solve the problem for yourself.  I have always believed that good fences make for good neighbors.  It may be as simple as a good fence.  Don’t resent the other person for making this problem for you.  Your fence might just ease her burden too.

Chris

Optimism

Have you ever felt fearful?  Do you worry a lot?  Do you feel unsafe in your own home or community?  Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your own safety?  Do you worry about your future?  Do you worry about the swine flu outbreaks?  Do you worry about your health?  Do you dwell on illness and death?  Do you worry about your job?  Do you worry about your safety on the highways?  Are your fears seemingly endless?

Well, did you know that  according to Dr. W.F. Peate in his book “Native Healing : Four Sacred Paths to Health”, the more pessimistic you are the more likely you are to develop heart disease?  He writes that  the Veteran’s Affairs Normative Aging study looked at over 2800 men over the past 46 years  and found that those who were deemed pessimistic developed  heart disease more often than not.  He reports that the results were based their findings on the Minnesota Multiphasic  Personality Inventory.  They found that pessimists had twice as much heart disease as optimistic people.  Think about that…could we be attracting the very thing that kills us because we dwell on all the negatives?

Dr. Peate also asks the question of… “what has the greatest effect on the differences in heart disease between rich and poor neighborhoods:  income, education, occupation, smoking, physical activity, diabetes, blood pressure, type of cholesterol, weight or body mass index?”

He stated that …”the answer, based on research in Britain and across the United States, may surprise us.”   He states that “Something beyond genetics, lifestyle, behavior, income, or health care disparities affect our health.”  Dr. Peate reports that “researchers suggest two areas for intervention…enhancing the social and psychological resources of individual people and improving the quality of neighborhoods and communal life.”

M.G. Marmot, one of the authors of an important study that Peate quotes in his book, states that, “My own view is that the mind is a crucial gateway through which social influences affect physiology to cause disease.  The mind may work through effects on health-related behavior, such as smoking, eating, drinking, physical activity, or risk taking, or it may act through effects on neurendocrine or immune mechanisms.”  Basically there is a good chance that what we think and feel affects our wellbeing.

Our bodies are marvelous machines that we need to understand and take care of.  The social influences in the neighborhoods we live in do affect our health.  Those people who feel that the world is out to get them will likely not fare as well as people who take responsibility for their bad decisions and make attempts at changing their behavior.  Those who blame others feel hopeless to change things while those who accept their part in things will make the changes needed.  It is the glass half full/half empty syndrome.

We recently visited relatives in Florida.  They live in a small 55 and over trailer parks.  What I observed there really made an impact on my thinking.  It seemed that those residents spend an inordinate amount of time talking about, thinking about, and sharing their thoughts on death and dying.  It seemed that who died, who was sick, and how sick they were was the primary theme of conversation on a continuous basis.  It permeated the community.  I hate to say this, but it seemed as if most of those people had gone there to wait to die.  That was their primary focus.

There were a few who organized bingo nights, karaoke, potluck dinners, etc.  However, the majority of the people did not attend.  Their lives consisted of game shows and dwelling on their illnesses.    And, the consequences of this negative focus was prevalent.  People just got sicker and sicker until they died.  Those who tried to create a life seemed hopeless and soon quit trying within the community.  Only those who sought activities outside the community seemed to fare better health wise. My theory is that the collective negative energy produced in the trailer park contributed to the pessimistic attitudes of the residents and thus a negative spiral existed.

Again let me suggest that you go to Youtube.com and type in “Quantum Physics applied to mind power” and listen to the various video clips that appear there.  It is quite the eye opener.  I was thinking that most workshops, symposiums, lectures, etc. are aimed at informing and changing thought.  It is obvious that those involved in these activities realize that good comes from thought changing ideas or they wouldn’t waste their time doing it.  All the self help books on the shelves are based on information and changing thought.  Psychologists and doctors spend a great deal of time trying to change our direction.

So, here we are at a cross roads of sorts.  We can embrace change or we can keep going down the same road.  We can change the way we think and feel or we can keep doing the same things we have always done.  The outcome, however, is becoming much clearer.  We have a choice to make in how we choose to live the rest of our lives.  We can work to change our communities for the better or we can live in fear and worry ourselves to death.  We can improve the lives of those around us, and by doing this, change our own life, or we can sit back and feel helpless and hopeless and continue the negative spiral we have been going down.

The choices are clear and our options sit before us.  What will you do?

Chris

 

Stone Soup and other important Socially conscious Ideas

There are many versions of the Stone Soup story.  The one I am sharing is the only version I have run across personally:

During World War II a young soldier found himself isolated in a small French Town.  This particular town had little food and many of the inhabitants were starving.  It was desperate times for all.  The town’s people were reluctant to share what little they had out of fear for their own survival.  They watched the soldier carefully from curtained and shuttered windows to see what he would do.

They watched the soldier as he rummaged through the piles of discarded items that littered the streets.  Many people had left with what they could carry, leaving some things behind to lighten their loads.  He hunted for several hours before he returned to the fire he had built outside an abandoned building.  In his hand he carried an old dented soup pot, an old rusty fire grate, and a large kitchen spoon.  He had found a small trickle of water spilling from a broken spigot that used to provide clear spring water to the  the town square fountain.   He carried the pot to the fountain and  went about filling the old pot with the fresh spring water.    He then carried it back to his fire where he had placed, over the fire,  the metal grate that he had also found while foraging.  Then the town’s people saw him search the ruins until he found a stone, which he placed in the pot.  The soldier then sat down and waited patiently.

Soon the mayor of the town strolled by.  “What are you doing there?” he asked the soldier.

“I am making stone soup,” was the soldier’s reply.  The mayor rubbed his chin and proceeded to walk to his home that was just down the street.

The grocery store owner also stopped by to see what the soldier was doing.  “What are you cooking there?” the store keeper asked.

“I am making stone soup,” was the soldier’s reply.  The store keeper also continued to walk to his grocery store that was now barren of food.

Throughout the day many of the town’s people strolled by asking of the soldier.  Suddenly the mayor arrived a carrots in his hand.  “Can you use this carrot in your stone soup?” the mayor inquired.  “It isn’t much but you can have it.”

“Thank you,” the soldier said as he took out his pocket knife, cut up the carrot and through the pieces into the pot with a plop.  The mayor turned to the north toward where his office was.

Again, the store keeper arrived bearing two potatoes that he had scavanged from his ravished stores from his grocery. “I have these two potatoes.  Can you use them in your stone soup?”

“Why, yes I can.  Thank you!” he said as he again pulled out his pocket knife and cut up the potatoes into small pieces and threw them into the steaming pot with a plop.  The soldier sat back and waited patiently.

All that day people from the town would walk by offering a small amount of what they had to the soldier for his stone soup.  By the end of the day the smell drifted all through the town.  The town’s people gathered at the soldier’s fire and watched the soup boil.  When the soup was ready the soldier stood and addressed the crowd.  “All of you are welcome to share this pot of soup with me.”

That day the entire town was fed by that one pot of soup.  It was the first hot meal they had had in a very long time.  Alone, they had not even enough to feed themselves, but together, they were able to feed an entire village.

Now, this is not a story of charity but of helping each other.  Those who had a little shared it with the whole.  Those who didn’t have shared the reward.  I am sure that those who had not given went back to their homes and found things to share with the town.  I am sure that there were many other days of stone soup.  Those who did not have to give, gave of their time.  They hunted for more pots, started fires, gathered firewood, contacted people to help, and did what they could to contribute.  There was no charity here, but people working together to help each other.

Look around you.  Surly there are people, families, neighborhoods that can use your skills, expertise, or labor to improve their living standard just a bit.  Is there an abandoned building that can be raised and a park created in its place?  Is there a neighborhood watch group organizing in your neighborhood?  Why not join?  Is there a senior citizen that could use a plate of cookies and a bit of conversation?  Is there a young mother that could use a day just for herself?  Why not offer to watch her children for a day so she can relax and enjoy what ever her heart’s desire? And, while you are at it, why not share your parenting and child rearing skills with her.  Perhaps she doesn’t have anyone to mentor her.  Perhaps she doesn’t have someone she can talk to when she is stressed or worried.  Perhaps she needs your gentle wisdom to teach her the mothering skills she is lacking.  These are small things that can make a big difference

Are there parents who need a car pool?  Is there a school bus stop that needs an adult to watch the children until they are on the bus or to walk them home?  Is there an elderly neighbor who could benefit from a handy man, or is there  a neighbor child who needs a little extra money for doing small things around your home?

We are not islands.  What we do or not do affects others.  It’s the ripple effect.  Everything you do or don’t do sends out energy into the cosmos and in turn, it comes back to you.  This is not about charity.  This is about raising up the quality of life for yourself and others.  One hour a day once each week or every two weeks, is a small sacrifice to make someone else’s life better while  helping yourself in the process.  Not only are you raising up your neighborhood one person at a time, but you are teaching your children and other neighborhood children to give rather than to be takers.

You could organize an after school program where those who need to teach can come and provide the children with a varied insight into their lives and the lives of others.  Or, you could simply open your home to those children who may be latch key kids.  It used to be that multiple generations lived under one roof and the children benefited from the wise counsel of their elders.  Today, seniors are looked upon as a burden and as senile, having no value.  An after school program where those elders can share their vast knowledge and experience and perhaps change the views of their own generation toward young people as well as change the views of young people towards seniors, would be a benefit to any community.  It also gives the elders a sense of being needed and it provides the children with someone to look up to…surrogate grandparents.

It doesn’t take much to send a plate of cookies over to the widow next door.  It doesn’t take much to invite a latch key kid over for an after school snack with your own children.  Make sure you talk to the parents first, of course.  Nothing should be done without their knowledge and involvement.  Perhaps they can give a bit of their time to help as well.  Who knows, it takes a village to raise a child, and it only takes one person to change their neighborhood’s vision.  Why not start a neighborhood vision committee and hold a neighborhood barbeque or pot luck and discuss those things that your neighbors need.  You might be surprised at what you discover.

Now, on the same subject, I just received “The Most Important Gift Catalog in The World”.  It is called Heifer.   The Heifer International project was established to help people and families move toward self-reliance.  Through this organization if you give just $500.00 a heifer will be given  to a family in third world countries, or you can share the gift by giving $50.00 with others who can’t afford the entire cost. For $1,000.00  a family will receive a Milk Menagerie of four milk producing animals such as one heifer, two goats, and a water buffalo.  Or you can share the expense by giving just $100.00.  The gift of a goat is only $120.00 or $10.00 to share the gift expense.  A pig will cost you $120.00 or $10.00 to share the gift expense.  A sheep will cost you $120.00 or just $10.00 to share the gift expense.  You can give a Knitting Basket gift which includes 4 wool producing animals and the cost is only $500.00 or $50.00 to share the gift expense.    You can give a trio of rabbits for $60.00 or $10.00 to share the gift expense.  You can donate a flock of chicks for just $20.00.  You can even give the gift of bees for just $30.00.  If bees aren’t your bag, how about $150.00 for the gift of a Llama or $20.00 to share the gift expense.  Oh, and then there is the water buffalo.  $250.00 will give the gift of a water buffalo or $25.00 to share the expense.  There are also camels, oxen, donkeys, ducks, guinea pigs, and geese.  You can give the gift of tree seedlings as well as grass seeds so that the animals can be fed.  All this comes with training and instruction for the happy recipients.  So, this year, even though times are tough for us all, why not put the energy of generosity out into the universe so that it can come back to you.

“If you give a man a meal he can feed himself for one day.  If you teach him how to garden, he can feed himself for a year.  The Heifer program is not charity.  It is giving those in need a helping hand up so that they can in turn, give back to their families and their communities.  If we rid the world of hunger, we will rid the world of wars and we teach people to be self-reliant.

So go to:  www.heifer.org/gift

Chris

Get out of your own way

I realize now that I have lost focus when it comes to the reason I started this blog.  There have been occasions when I needed to vent, but now, I see that the purpose is not an emotional outlet for me, but rather a sharing of my years of experience to help you change your life.  Recently I have been thinking about important things to share.  What can I say to guide you gently towards the changes you want to make in your own life?

I have been learning about Quantum Physics and that according to many scientists, we are the creators of our own reality.  Further, that if we would only get out of our own way, we could create a life of  joy and plenty.  As strange as this sounds, I don’t think that the theories here conflict with my own personal religious beliefs.  Actually, I think that in many ways it validates those beliefs.  Quantum Physics, for most scientists, is the closest they have come to scientifically proving that we religious people have been right all along.  And, that regardless of a person’s religion, intelligent design is part of what they are discovering from the study of Quantum Physics.

Surprised?  I was.  You might want to check out Youtube.com and type in “Quantum Physics applied to mind power“.  You will be enlightened and amazed that the scientific community is coming around to believe in Intelligent Design.  Having said that, let’s get on with the “getting out of our own way” part.  Whether you are religious or not, this is the part that is important.

We are that we should have joy.  If this is true then why are we so unhappy?  Why do we keep doing the same things over and over again, yet expect a different result?  Because we are standing in our own way and don’t understand what we are doing that is keeping us from being happy, we are programed to continue to be unhappy.

So what is needed to change this continual unhappy loop?  We need to change our thinking.  Now, the laws of Quantum Physics tell us that we have infinite possibilities.  Quantum Physics is the physics of possibilities.  There are infinite options and potentials.  However, we are programed by our childhood and the thinking of those around us, not to mention society in general, to think a certain way.  For example:  I grew up in a Blue Collar household and was told that I should be satisfied with what I had and that there was a whole world out there, (white collar), that I would never be able to crack.  I continued that thinking, limiting myself in every way until I started college just before my divorce.  There, doors and windows were opened to this world of White collar and I just had to step through.  I suddenly was not content with my average Blue Collar existence because I knew that I didn’t have to settle.  Options and Possibilities were suddenly within my grasp and there was no going back.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more.  There is nothing wrong with desiring.  There is nothing wrong with wanting what we have a right to have.  Coveting others for their accomplishments makes us unhappy.  It’s not the wanting, it is the coveting.  So, if you need more money in your life, or want a better house, or need to lose weight, or find a better job…no matter what it is, don’t whine and complain about what you don’t have…start thinking about getting it.  There lies the magic wand.

Let me try and explain.  I need to lose weight.  I am unhappy with myself right now.  This is the one struggle I have left that defeats me at every turn.  Instead of visualizing myself thin and asking for it and expecting it, I complain and whine and commiserate with others with like problems and basically covet the lean bodies of others.  What I don’t do is focus on being thin.  I have programmed myself to expect failure instead of success. I surround myself with those who have similar issues.  I attend meetings with those who have similar issues.  In every way I perpetuate the status quo.   I am standing in my own way.  In order for me to become the person I need to be to be happy, I have to get out of my own way.  And to do that I have to stop telling the story of why I am the way I am and start living as if I have already achieved my goal.

What has happened to me in the past does not matter.  What matters is the now and the future.  Dwelling on past only keeps us repeating the past.  We must now step into the present, shed the past as if it were a snake skin, and like the snake, grow and expand our present and think about what we want in the future.

Let’s say that your love life sucks.  I used to say that knowing what I don’t want is as important as knowing what I do want.  Well, I was wrong.  As long as I focused on what I didn’t want, I continued to get what I didn’t want.  It was only when I focused on what I did want that my present husband came into my life.  While no one is perfect, I got the one thing that I desired…an improvement in my financial status.  While money doesn’t bring happiness, it can make life easier.  And my life has been a lot easier than it had been in the past.  I wasn’t rich, but I was comfortable.  And that reduced my stress and increased the potential for happiness.  It also improved the quality of my health greatly.  And, without health, the rest doesn’t matter much.

I have no regrets.  My past is part of who I am now.  Without those experiences, good and bad, I would not be who I am and I like who I am now.  So, rather than be angry, resentful, sad or be consumed with the negative feelings out of my past, I choose to live in the now and plan for the future.

Here is what you do now…write on a piece of paper all the hurts and bad things that have happened to you in the past.  Write down all the names of those who have hurt you.  Write down all the snide remarks, the hurtful comments, the jokes at your expense, the snubs, the ridicules, the physical hurts, the emotional hurts, the spiritual hurts…. and when you are done start a fire in the fireplace, out back on the driveway, in the firepit where you roast marshmallows, in a garbage can out on the cement pad or the patio, or in the barbque grill…anywhere that is safe for you to burn.

After you have started the fire, go down your list and let go of the experience and the feelings.  Forgive the person who caused them.  Then, when you are done reading your list, wad the paper up and throw it in the fire.   Now, you must never dwell on them again.

Now, you need to make a list of what you want, need and desire.  This is called a Universe List.  This is your way of asking for what you want, need and desire.  This is the first step in getting what you want.  These are the things that you dwell on from this day forward.  Be very detailed in your list. Let’s say you want a boat.   Don’t just say, I want a boat.  Describe the boat and where you want to sail it.  Describe the life you want to live surrounding the boat.  List the people you want in your life while sailing this boat.  What do you want to be doing?  Where do you want to live?  How do you look?  How do you feel while living this life?  Oh, and make sure you list how you are going to get the boat.  How much money will it take?  When do  you want the boat?  Leave out no detail.  This is what  you think and feel about now.  If you want more money list how much more.  Let the Universe know if you want happiness, health, peace, joy, love, adventure, or anything else  you may need.  If you want to help others put them in your list and tell what needs you want to be able to meet of theirs and how much money you will need to do this.  If you want to start a business, make a business plan as part of your list and include everything you need to know about your business.  Visualize where it will be, how big it will be, the size building it will need, or for home based businesses, what equipment you will need or the skills you will need, the training you will need, etc.

Each time you start to relive the past, consciously bring the present and the future into your thoughts.  Sit down and re-read your Universe list.  As you accomplish the things on your list, cross them off and add more as they come to you.  Pretty soon you will see how much you have accomplished toward your happiness.

According to the scientists who study Quantum Physics, what you think is what you get. Change your thinking and new things will come to you.  Get out of your own way and discard your old skin.  Focus on the changes you want in your life and don’t be surprised when they happen!!!!!!!!!!!!  That’s what is supposed to happen.  You are supposed to get what you want.  So Sit down and write your discard list and then let go of the past so the future can happen.   This is the perfect time to create a soul collage as a visual reminder of what you want, need, and desire.  Find a picture of a slim person to remind you of what you want.  Find a picture of the perfect boat.  Find a picture that represents the lifestyle you want to live or a quality you want in a mate.  Create a collage and place it in plain view.

Chris

My Universe List

I want to give my friend Rita credit for this Universe List.  What is a Universe List?  It is a list that you make of all your wants and needs. “Write it down, make it happen”…The is the name of a book you must read! You keep adding to your list and crossing off those things that come to pass.  You read them at least once each day.  Your wants and desires and needs can’t be given to you unless you let the supreme being know what you desire.  This is just one way of accomplishing that.  There are other ways to accomplish this like using prayer, but for today, we will talk about the Universe List.

Have you ever wondered how all your wants and needs will be provided?  Well, this list is a leap of faith that you believe that if you put it out into the Universe, you will be provided with it.  Yes, it may seem a bit gimmicky, but it helps to focus your thoughts.  Have you ever heard the saying that you are what you think?  Well, if you focus and think on the things you want or need, you are more likely to make decisions or do things that will bring these things about.  I guess you could say it is the power of positive thinking.  Think it and it will happen.

The Universe list works on the same premise.  I tried it for the first time this week and already things are in motion.  We went to Florida to visit family.  They just happened to live near where the space shuttle was going to be launched.  However, they canceled the launch due to bad weather but we decided to go ahead with our plans and to visit these family members that we hadn’t seen in a long time.  Not only did we have a wonderful visit, but an entire new way of thinking was opened to us.

My husband has wanted to see a launch for a long time.  It didn’t seem to work out.  However, what we gained by deciding to go anyway, was so much more than the experience of a launch could accomplish.  We’ll go again next year before they cancel the program.  However, we met people who knew how to get hold of boats as salvage that we can purchase for pennies and fix up for a vacation home.  Before this trip, this possibility would never been part of our possibility thinking.  Suddenly an entirely new path has opened up our life in ways we could never have imagined.

Once I wrote a letter to President Clinton.  I explained that part of the problem with our youth was lack of vision.  Without vision there is no hope.  Without hope there is dispare.  Those youth who know nothing but the few square blocks they live on have no vision.  They can’t think possibilities because no one has provided them with viable options they can visualize and know that they can accomplish.  They lose their way.

What I suggested was to take them out of the cities and get them out under the stars.  Let them board a ship and sail the oceans as hands on classroom.  I suggested that they be provided experiences they would never have otherwise been able to experience.  Let them ride horses, plant a garden and enjoy the fruits of their labor.  Let them plant trees, ride the rapids, camp in the forest.  Let them do all the things they might never do otherwise.  This will provide vision.  They can’t miss what they have never had.  It is their positive wants and desires that suddenly become possible that will motivate them to build rather than tear down their neighborhoods.

This is what the Universe list can do.  It will open you up to possibility thinking.  Think it and you become it.

When are you going to make your Universe list?

Expand your vision

I just got back from a few days in central Florida…DeLand, Deltona, Orange City, DeBerry area.  We stopped by the St. Johns Marina in DeLand on the St. Johns River to meet and visit with friends of my husband’s brother and his wife who live in Orange City.  If you ever drop by the St. Johns Marina, don’t forget to visit the Shady Oaks Bait and Tackle shop there and Let Chris or Jeff know that we sent you.  They also rent pontoon boats, have live bait, provide dockside service and have marine batteries.  Well, these young men are great!  They let us take a pontoon boat out on the river.  It was a marvelous experience!  The only time I have been to Florida was once to see Disney World and visit Sea World.  It was straight down and straight back and I never got to see the sights.

My idea of what Florida was all about turned out to be just that…my idea, not reality.  It was a very nice place.  These towns are about 20 minutes from the ocean.  They are near Orlando, South of Jacksonville.  Oh, and the St. Johns River…not like any river I’ve seen.  They are nothing like the rivers of the west.  They meander through swamps where thousands of birds live along with the manatee, gators, and turtles.  It is green and lush, and dotted with flowers everywhere.  Moss hangs from the trees.  It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.

Of the four days we were there, only one was cold and rainy.  The rest of the time it was warm and mostly sunny and wonderful for a mid-November day.  Chris and Jeff are looking for a boat for us to buy and remodel so that we can store it in a slip when we are not there, and enjoy boating in this tropical paradise when we vacation.  Slip storage is very inexpensive.  Of course when we are living on the boat, the expense goes up but for a vacation place, it is very reasonable.

I have volunteered to paint a mural on the wall in Chris’s bait and tackle shop.  So, the next time we head to Florida, I will be taking along my smock, paints, brushes, and vision and spend time painting.  I can hardly wait!  Jim is going to make me a portable easel to keep on the boat.

The point I want to make here is that if I had not accepted my sister-in-laws invitation to visit, (originally we were going down to see the launch of the space shuttle that was canceled due to weather), I would never have gotten this new vision of Florida.  My husband is Ex Navy and has been trying for years to convince me to live on a boat.  It was not part of my life experience and I just ignored his suggestion.  After my experience this week, I can actually see myself living, part-time, on a boat and traveling the water ways and perhaps even up the inter-coastal waterways.  This is paradigm shift for me.  So, before you cross things off your list of possibilities, check them out.  You may be pleasantly surprised.

 

Our Trip Out West- #1

We recently got back from our “too long” trip out to Oregon where I have family.  My mother, 86 and in poor health, needed some help making her home safer for her to live in.  We drove.  Won’t do that again!!!!!!  Next time, I fly to our destination.  I will plan much shorter trips.

We had been considering selling our home and moving back west.  We have been researching different places.  We decided to cruise through the South West and look at some places we’re interested in.  Unfortunately, I was recovering from a severe illness that had left me hospitalized for a time and I am afraid the trip was much to ambitious for both of us.

We had recently become aware of a little gadget that we decided to try out on our trip.  It was a Garmin GPS unit.  We chose the cheapest one we could find.   Without a doubt it made our trip so much easier and less stressful.  It was worth every penny we paid for it.  I would recommend it to anyone who travels or is planning on traveling.  The voice  that directs you is pleasant, though she can be a nag if you make a wrong turn.  But, don’t fret.  She will have you back on track in no time.  It took a bit of getting used to, though.

The first thing is that you have to let go and let her direct you.  99% of the time, she knows what she is doing.  We second guessed her at times and got ourselves off track.  My husband would even argue with her.  She became like a third person traveling with us.  It was kind of funny.  However, as will all technical gadgets, there were a couple of times when she didn’t know where she was going but we managed to get ourselves turned back around and back on track.  Those were few and far between and due to new roads being built etc.

One thing we want to warn you about is she, (we called her Carmen), seemed to take us on all the back roads.  We went places we had never heard of before.  However, this was a blessing.  We were off the beaten path and we saw places we would never have seen if we had not trusted her to get us to our next destination.  We drove I-40 to Texas where we picked up a US highway that would take us to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico via Roswell, New Mexico.  That was a very pleasant trip! We drove through  the little town of Clovis, New Mexico where they have to military bases and a Veteran’s Hospital.  That is one place I want to go back to and check out when we have time.  It is a cattle and grain town.  It was quiet, beautiful, green, and relaxing.  I saw the biggest feed lot I have ever seen!  Silos and granaries were everywhere.  We drove along side a train track filled with grain cars, car carriers, cattle cars, etc, for miles and miles before coming to Clovis.  They even have a cheese factory there.  If we had not used the GPS, we would never have had that experience.

What do you think of when I mention the name, Roswell?  I think of a small rural town with one cafe, a few colorful locals and the infamous Roswell UFO sighting.  Well, you would be wrong.  That town is quite large!  They have a military academy there and walkways over the roads from the school to the soccer fields.  We never did find the UFO cafe.  But, we did take pictures of my husband sitting on a bench at the local Wal-Mart with aliens standing behind him.  Quite cute the way they have used their infamy for local color.

We checked out Truth Or Consequences.  I found it artsy, but a jumbled mess.  Trashy trailers and homes lumped together, with postage stamped yards mingled with beautiful homes.  I felt claustrophobic.  We had thought that lack of zoning would be something we would enjoy, but it was just too unkempt and chaotic for my taste.  I couldn’t be creative there.  This is just my opinion though.  We were surprised to find that we did like a little structure in our lives after all.

We then headed west out of town via the GPS.  It was a quiet drive and hardly any traffic. That made the drive quite enjoyable.  We stopped a small unique cafes along the way and took in the sites.  We passed the SETI array, (something we were interested in), which we hadn’t expected to see.  We even discovered Smokey Bear Boulevard high up in the mountains.  This was the place where they had rescued the tiny baby bear many years ago from a fire there.  He became the well known Smokey Bear.  There is a monument there and we ate at the Smokey Bear Cafe.   It was fun!

On that drive we discovered the Petrified Forest.  We drove through and got wonderful pictures and even bought a few souvenirs.

We finally converged with I-40 again and headed for Idaho Falls where we both have family.  Visiting with family is always pleasant and we hadn’t seen them in a long time.  While we were there we stayed with my son.  He works for a wonderful mattress place called My Comfort.  They sell special mattresses like the ones used in burn units of hospitals.  They are made of a jell much like the jell used in Dr. Scholls jell inserts.  The way they are made and the jell used eliminates pressure points.  He had one on his bed and we slept on it.  Wow!  What a wonderful night’s sleep.  We went out and bought one.  I have never had such comfortable sleep.  It is a wonderful product!!!!!!!!!

While we were there we got to tour the giant wind turbine  farm that was up on the hill above Idaho Falls.  I stood no more than 50 feet from one of these giants.  It is virtually silent.  There is a minor hmm something like a plane engine in the distance, but it is not obtrusive, nor annoying in any way and we found the the view was not impacted negatively at all.  They become part of the background and don’t seem to be unsightly.  In fact, they are kind of beautiful when you see them from a distance.  We saw them in Oklahoma as well as Texas also.

I will share more of  our trip soon.  For now, let me sum it up for you.  If you travel, purchase a Garmin GPS.  It’s wonderful!  It made finding our way across the country less stressful and at times relaxing.  If you are struggling with finding a comfortable mattress, check out MY COMFORT in Idaho Falls.  They are on the internet also.  I recommend this mattress!  You are worth it!    Wind turbines are not intrusive, not noisy, and don’t seem to impact the view.

Bye for now, more of our trip later

Chris

Saving Whales

This season’s Whale Wars has stirred my emotions.  While I don’t condone ramming ships, this season’s impotence brought the  issues of whaling by the Japanese fleet to a head.  I feel, after seeing the show, that Captain Paul did not intentionally ram the Japanese ship.  They were trying to maneuver into a small opening to block the transfer of the whale carcass to the manufacturing ship.  It was an attempt to stop them, which went  badly.  The captain of the Sea Shepard would never endanger his crew or the ship in a fruitless ramming incident.  Things just turned badly as the ships were trying to maneuver in a small space.  The whaling ship cut the Sea Shepard off as the harpoon ship was trying to get close enough to transfer the carcass. In the video footage from the TV show, you can see him cranking the wheel with all his might to avoid a collision.  There was just not enough time or distance to accomplish this when the harpoon ship cut them off in an attempt to beat them to the manufacturing ship.  It will be interesting to see what the Australian government does.

The international law gives the Japanese the right to decide for themselves how much they will catch for research purposes.  And, since no meat can go to waste  as a result of the research, the Japanese have a perfect cover to continue to harvest these endangered creatures and continue to make a profit from selling the meat after the kill.  No one, and I repeat, no one needs over 900 whales each year to study.  Maybe 50, but mot over 900!  Can’t or won’t the countries of the world stand up to the Japanese and set legal limits on their hunting and killing the whale?  This would solve the problem.  There then would be no need for anyone to have to protect them.  It’s simple!  Set quotas and don’t let the Japanese government continue to slaughter these magnificent creatures!!!!

Go to www.seasheperd.org to find out more and to donate to this wonderful cause!

My Cat – Puddy

Puddy arrived September of  2003.  He will be six years old this September.  I was walking from the house to the mailbox down our 20ft. wide gravel driveway.  I heard this strange bird chirping.  It was a sound I had never heard before.  It sounded strangely sweet.  I walked to the mailbox and retrieved the mail.  As I was walking back to the house I again heard that strange bird.  I looked up and then looked over at the trees, but couldn’t see anything.  Suddenly the chirping drew me to look down.

There, a few inches from my foot was this small kitten.  He had drug himself all the way across the driveway from the field next door.  His hind legs didn’t seem to have much strength.  He was using his front legs to drag himself to me.  He was the chirping bird I had heard.

I picked him up.  I could hold him in the palm of my hand and he was still smaller than my palm.  His eyes weren’t open yet.  He had been abandoned by his mother.  My heart leaped and surged.  On one hand, my husband and I had decided we didn’t want pets to complicate our life.  A pet would compromise our freedom to come and go as we pleased.  Traveling would be a problem with a pet.  Who would we get to take care of one if we wanted to go gallivanting off somewhere?

But, despite all the negatives, I wanted to take care of this little creature.  I wanted to be its mommy.  I was afraid to love it.  I was afraid to let it get under my skin.  I called my husband, who was on a contract job in Virginia.  After explaining my predicament I asked him if it would be alright if we kept him.  He laughed and said, “Of course”.

It had been years since I had raised a baby kitten by hand.  I panicked.  What if I messed up?  What if I couldn’t do it?  I called the vet and took the kitten in.  She said that he was about 2 days old.  They gave me a small bottle, formula, and I tried to nurse him.  I found myself so afraid I would mess up, I almost cried.  I was worried.  But, I took him home and we worked it out.

It is now six years later.  This tiny ball of fluff now weighs almost 12 lbs.  But he is still my baby.  We called him baby because it just fit, until my grandchildren and daughter came to live with us.  They named him Puddy and it stuck.  I still sneak in a “baby” now and then when he climbs up on my lap, stretches his paws out on the huggie blanket he has had since he was a kitten, and nurses on the blanket while I sit in my recliner.  After all, I am his mommy.

I’ll share more of his antics later.  For now, Puddy, meet readers.  Readers, meet Puddy.

Chris